Age: 68
Sex: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Relationship: Sleeping Around
Occupation: Professional Doormat
Location: United Kingdom

My Biography
The above photo's are of "MY DEAREST FRIENDS" ♥* ♥~ ♥* ♥~ ♥* ♥~ ♥

Ashley Avery, I Love You, you are the sweetest lover anyone could wish for, you are a Goddess, you make the sunshine on me.
Baby Goober, My Sweet Buddy, I Miss You!!!

A family is at the dinner table, the son asks his father, "Dad, how many
kinds of boobs are there?  The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son,
there are three kinds of breasts.
In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.  In her 30s
to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.  After 50, they
are like onions".
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,  "Mum, how
many kinds of "willies" are there?
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,  "Well dear, a man goes through
three phases.
In his 20s, his willy is like  an oak tree,  mighty and hard.  In his 30s
and 40s, it is like a birch,  flexible but reliabe.  After his 50s, it is like a Christmas Tree".
"A Christmas Tree?'
"Yes- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration".

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom,
staring at a question on the final exam paper.

The question directed:

"Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his
head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what
to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again.

Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he
scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make ME happy.

A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich.
      I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

What is a "free gift?" Aren't all gifts free?

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when
      he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

What's another word for thesaurus?

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
      learned that most people die of natural causes.

If you want to make a woman nervous, just
      put her in a room with a hundred hats and no mirror.

Young Timmy pricks his finger on a drawing pin at school, and calls out to his teacher that he need to soak it in some cider. ?Cider!? the teacher exclaims. ?What for?? ?Because,? Timmy says, ?my sister says whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she always puts it in cider.?

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, ?You're in charge of sweeping.? He then turns to the Irishman. ?You're in charge of digging.? Finally, he turns to the Chinaman. ?And you're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.? Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby looking sheepish. ?Why didn't you sweep any off it?? he asks the pair. The Italian looks at him. ?We didn?t have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him.? Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental. Just then, the Chinaman leaps out from behind the pile of sand. ?Supplies!? he yells.

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