Age: 33
Sex: Female
Relationship: Committed
Occupation: Student
Location: Conroe, TX. USA

My Biography
There are many things that are nice in life, music, sex, love, that rare happiness that it takes a miracle to find. If and when you do find it... never ever let it go.

Wherever I am
Whatever I do
Wrapped in you

I have gathered my stealth... and your password... and have decided to mercilessly ravage your profile... well just insert my song for you... as follows:

"Lick lick lick Alisha's cock, oh yes oh yes Cum CUm CUM"

Now that i have made this pleasureable insertion... your profile has been raped.

Spanks and licks,

-Mistress *bluemaiden*

"Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd." - William Congreve (1670-1729)

If water were vodka and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up. But water ain't vodka and I'm no duck, so pass me the bottle and shut the fuck up!!

"10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should" -
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.-F. P. Jones

if you can't knock ?em down, poke ?em with a stick.

"God gave girls a soul and boys a penis."

"God gave men brains larger then dogs so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties." -Hackers (Ruth Libby)

"Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong."--Ayn Rand

"Able to move between worlds, the visible and invisible, life and death, Raven, in Celtic lore, was messenger, magician, and teacher of magic. Sacred to the bird goddess, Rhiannon, Raven represented the transformations of birth, death, and regeneration."

Now You're Mine
I am the murder of your whipping time
The smile
On my lips
The look of horror on your face
Can't rid the sexual fascination
You deny
My face of pleasure the gleam in my eye

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring. - Chuck Palahniuk, "Invisible Monsters"

My Princess
Dangling in distress
To discipline
My sole purpose never ends
On Your knees
My satisfaction is what I need
The urge
To take my fist
And violate every orifice

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."

And I look again towards the sky as the raindrops mix with the tears I cry. - Unknown

"O Rose thou art sick
the invisible worm
that flies in the night
in the howling storm:
has found out thy bed
of crimson joy:
and his dark secret love
does thy life destroy."
-William Blake

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." -Tom Clancy

"Awaken to darkness on this place we call Earth,
One vampire's bite brings another one's birth.
A vampire wakes with blood thirsty needs
On the warm rich sensation he feels when he feeds.
He stalks in the night like a disastrous beast,
And what once was alive will soon be deceased.
So when the last bit of sunlight disappears from the sky,
You better watch out unless you want to die." -Victoria Boatwright

"Is god willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god?" -Epicurus

There are girls at whom you look and want to love until you die
and girls at whom you look and want to spank until they cry
Sure, proper girls are cute and mom will surely love them best
but naughty girls will fuck you hard and leave scars on your chest!

The right way is the left way and the left way is wrong so I am left with the right way and the right way is wrong.

They say that "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. - Eddie Izzard, Dressed to Kill

I left my past behind today,
and bid it fond farewell
For aches and pains of yesterday
can scorch the sands of hell.

He who fights monsters should look into it that he himself does not become a monster. When you gaze long into the Abyss, the Abyss also gazes into you. - Friedrich Neitzsche

Naked in the Storm
and I lay naked upon the earth
as the rain caresses my skin
with tender fingers
of sweet expression.
Alone with the darkness
embracing the whole of me
as I drift into sweet
states of weeping bliss.
Mud slips its moist hands
over my skin
leaving smooth traces
of where it begins and ends.
Thunder begins
with a whisper of my name
and ends with lightening
screaming and lashing my flesh
as I drift off to quiet slumber
at the hands of tender rain
awaiting next it will begin again.
a-alibaster ©

"Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, it is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it -- and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist -- is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me.""..Bill Hicks

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary. - Bongo, From "Childhood Is Hell" By Matt Groening

The end comes when we no longer talk with ourselves. It is the end of genuine thinking and the beginning of the final loneliness. The remarkable thing is that the cessation of the inner dialogue marks also the end of our concern with the world around us. It is as if we noted the world and think about it only when we have to report it to ourselves. - Eric Hoffer

You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when it?s waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye - Hunter S. Thompson

"What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the light bulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, "It's gonna be worth it!".. Bill Hicks

I think psychedelics play a major part in what we do, but having said that, I feel that if somebody's going to experiment with those things they really need to educate themselves about them. People just taking the chemicals and diving in without having any kind of preparation about what they're about to experience tend to have no frame of reference, so they're missing everything flying by and all these new perspectives. It's just a waste. They reach a little bit of spiritual enlightenment, but they end up going, 'Well, now I need that drug to get back there again.' The trick is to use the drugs once to get there, and maybe spend the next ten years trying to get back there without the drug. - Maynard James Keenan

There's a cold wind blowing softly through a narrow, dark ravine. A sound is heard, soft and everywhere, like the rustle of silk. It echoes from every dismal reaching corner of the abyss, and whispers of the aching loneliness within the crevasse. A cold, blue-white light transcends an aura of weird lifelessness to the jagged rocks of the cleft walls. There appears a soul within all of this, like a thin frail mist, congealing within its center -- a tiny translucent gray cloud. - Ralph Kenyon, 1962

Sporks revolutionized America's food scene in the late 20th century. Serving as both a spoon and a fork, the spork makes shopping for spoons and forks 50% cheaper. The awesome power of the spork lies in its ability to be a spoon and a fork at the same time. It makes eating twice as much fun and three times as efficient. But the question we must ask ourselves is: are they ethical?
The answer: no, unfortunately they are not. Sure they make life easier and more enjoyable, but I believe that conveniently using sporks for everyday life is playing God. Play with fire and you get burned. Sporks will inevitably bring a brutal end to modern society. The end is near.

So the people of the valley sent a message up the hill asking for the buried treasure, tons of gold for which they'd kill. Came an answer from the kingdom: "With our brothers we will share all the secrets of our mountain, all the riches buried there." now the valley cried with anger, "mount your horse and draw your sword". and they killed the mountain people, so they won their just reward. now the soldiers saw the treasure, on the mountain dark and red, turned the stone and looked beneath it...peace on earth was all it go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend, do it in the name of heaven, you'll be justified in the end.

"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: Hello... Can't work today; still queer." --Robin Tyler

So I noticed that without the "U" there seems to be no "FUCK". People edit out the "U". Why not the other letters? Not the "F", "C", or "K". The "U" makes all the difference... Odd.. "F*CK *!"

"No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves." -Ed Howe

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. - Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)

It?s your first time and as you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while, searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed. As he approaches you, he asks if you are afraid. You shake your head bravely. He has had more experience but it?s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver your body tenses but he is gentle as he promised he would be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him, he has done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for easy entrance. You begin to plead with him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way. Pain surges throughout your body and you feel a slight trickle of blood. He continues and looks at you with a concerned look and asks you if it?s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears, but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something burst within you and he pulls it out of you. You lay panting and glad to have it over. He looks at you, smiling warmly, tells you that you have been his most stubborn but yet rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all it was your first time having a tooth pulled.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

"I learned there are troubles, of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, some come from behind. But I have bought a bat. I'm all ready you see. Now all my troubles are going to have trouble with me!" -Dr. Suess

9/1/03-Erg.. I am a dumbass :)
Zac: How about you?
Me: Nothing much.. sorting through things, emotions and such
Zac: Fun, I bet that must be your number one thing to do
Me: Actually no
Me: My #1 thing up until a few minutes ago
Me: was to get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Zac: LOL cute
Me: I got peanut butter.. well not really up my nose.. but there's not a better term for it..
Zac: LOL ouch
Me: it didn?t hurt
Me: it was just weird
Zac: I bet
Me: My cats were trying to get my glass of milk
Me: so I started to go faster to get away from them
Me: and they were chasing me..
Me: and..
Me: hahaha
Me: peanut butter up the nose
Zac: lol

1. It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile.
2. Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
3. The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.
4. Eat and drink sensibly. The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after long abstinence, can cause spontaneous fizzle.
5. Improved breath control increases oxygen supply throughout entire body, prevents asphyxiation during mighty kisses, trims and tones pelvis, promotes a stronger upper body enabling you to hold on tight and keep partner from damaging furniture during moments of ecstasy.
6. Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate manipulations, permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.
7. A single ejaculation, especially from a man, contains enough sperm cells to fertilize every woman in the United States Marine Corps.
8. Oral sex is a great way to firm the lower face.
9. After 16 steady hours of sex, it is wise to check your insurance policy.
10. "Where am I?" should not be considered an abnormal response to immense orgasm.
11. Men who experience difficulty with insertion should see a guidance counselor.
12. Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.
13. It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especially if it belongs to your partner.
14. You know that you've had too much sex when your life begins to flash before your eyes.
15. I've had too little sex when my partner begins to flash before my eyes.
16. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in demand.
17. Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight.
18. Thirty percent of our body heat escapes through the head (wear a hat during sex).
19. Sex on an inclined surface (an anthill, for example) builds endurance.
20. The length of an orgasm is usually anywhere from three to eleven seconds or four to seven feet.
21. Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a birthmark and a rash.
22. To prevent bedsores, oil the sheets.
23. Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes.

"Always behave as if nothing happened, no matter what has happened." -Arnold Bennett

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Lords of Acid - Pretty In Kink