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The Earth Penis
Earth penises R relatively easy 2 identify as they resemble tuberous vegetables yams, potatoes, turnips etc. Those thick, starchy roots that grow best when buried deep in dark, damp soil. Earth penises R generally large, often irregularly shaped, & darkly pigmented. The testicles that accompany the earth penis R likely 2 B large, hairy and pendulous. The earth penis is homely and supremely functional, it likes 2 plant & plow, & it's likely 2 belong 2 the top in any relationship. Earth penises typically correspond with meat & potatoes sexual tastes. If your man has an earth penis don't expect anything 2 outragous. He might like it rough, but he'll always keep it simple-like himself. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, if he's carrying 1 of these brutes in his Calvins, chances are he aint 2 bright.
The Air Penis
Air penises R generally long, slim & pale, with neat, globular, lightly pigmented testicles, carried high & tight. The most aesthetically pleasing of the types, the air penis is an artistic penis, & their owners R often artistic. It is common 4 an air penis to have a bend or a dip in its length, & just as this penis is often not quite straight, the owner of an air type penis is the most likely of all the types 2 have bisexual tendencies. If UR lover has an air penis, commitment could B an issue air penises R notoriously unfaithful and fickle. However, once captured, air penis types make the most intelligent & imaginative sexual partners.
The Fire Penis
Fire is the most masculine of the elements, & a fire penis always correlates with an aggressive, assertive, controlling nature. A typical fire penis is thick, straight, symmetrical and smooth, though not especially long. The defining characteristic of the fire penis, however, is its color bright red, through 2 an intense hot pink. Men with a fire penis in their pants have a burning sexuality and charisma 2 burn, 2. There R always plenty of moths dying to dance around this flame! But B4 U singe your wings, remember: sex with the owner of a fire penis can B hot as hell, but life with 1 is usually just plain hell, so if UR intended unzips 1 of these crimson lollipops, zip it up quick and move on.
The Water Penis
Water is the most feminine of the elements, &, accordingly, water type penises R often small, soft & feminine in appearance. Owners of water penises R generally nurturers in their relationships; they will cook, clean, iron & give it up with an almost touching if it wasn't so fucking irritating sense of duty. Occasionally, this taking on of the motherly role can lead them 2 assume the balance of power within a relationship for the other partner this is both claustrophobic and scary, particularly when they find themselves fucking them and enjoying it! Water penis owners R often very highly sexed organisms, especially when alcohol is added. For a water penis, a couple of G&Ts is a never-fail legs-opener.
Don, Fort Lauderdale
With its tapering parsnip-like shape & ruddy complexion, this is a classic earth/fire combination type penis. The combination of the earth & fire elements R found in the pants of many of the world?s greatest sexual athletes, as the dulling effect of earth takes much of the extreme heat out of fire, to create a perfect fuck machine. This penis, however, is also unusually smooth, with little veining, which often denotes a ?slippery character?, so if you took this penis home, u?d be best 2 hide your wallet. The red coloration that can B seen around the penis head & glans suggests a tendency to B a bit of a hot head. Sex & drugs, or sex & alcohol, probably shouldn?t B mixed here, as things could get nasty quite quickly.
The shape, color, bend & tight testicles here all scream air penis. Its long smooth head suggests an intelligent, imaginative lover ? when he?s looking 4 love. The conversation B4 & after is just as important as the sex in between. As the bend in this penis points down, bisexuality shouldn?t be an issue, however, nostalgia and memories of childhood probably play an important role in the fantasy life & love-play of the owner of this reflective, backwards looking penis. This is further underlined by the 2 swellings under the base of the shaft, as these often represent deep-seated drives and desires that have their roots in the past. As fantasy is so erotically crucial to air penis types, anyone who wants to play & stay with this 1 should start polishing their whistles and brushing up now on their sleazy, fifth-grade gym-teacher impersonations.
Tino, New Jersey
Now here?s an earth penis if ever I?ve seen 1 ? cock like 1 of Idaho?s finest & balls like a Hereford bull. There?s not 2 much going on here: ?feed me, fuck me? ? or more correctly, let me fuck U ? is the basic message. Not recommended for the thinking girl, unless U like ?em big & dumb, as, of course, many of us do.
Daniel, San Francisco
This attractive ensemble is an air/earth combination. Its overall sweetness is very air, but those big, heavy balls R earthy in the extreme. The air/earth combination is an extremely powerful 1, & it is wise 2 keep this in mind if U R ever confronted with such a seemingly charming picture. Appearances can be deceiving, & this penis has heartache written all over it, containing the best & very worst of both types (earth and air) in 1 neat package. This penis literally has a roving eye, its natural position shows it looking around the corner, scouting out 4 something younger, richer, better hung. You can bet that something better will come along, 2 ? the owner of this earth/air penis is extremely flexible. He?ll play butch or bitch in a heartbeat: top, bottom, sideways, honey ? as long as he?s getting his.