In the process of updating this. Sorry it sucks.
A long time ago I was born. There's been good times. There's been bad times. Then some more bad things happened. Then a good thing, followed by a bunch more bad things. Okay, you're up to speed on my life. Anything else you want to know, feel free to ask. Oh yeah, and if you're not a cynical smartass with a slightly warped sense of humor you may want to stop reading right here.
The Lords & Praga, Prodigy, Fluke, The Crystal Method, Crystal Distortion, The Neteru, Juno Reactor, Orbital, The Orb, Massive Attack, The Chemical Brothers, Thrill Kill Kult, Paul Oakenfold, Girl Eats Boy, The Future Sound of London, Procyon Project, John Digweed, Rage Against the Machine, Tool, Ministry, Static-X, KMFDM, NIN, Stabbing Westward, Primus, Lunatic Calm, Tricky, Gravity Kills, Bob Marley, Rob Zombie/White Zombie, Psykosonik, Disturbed, Orgy, Lo-Fidelity Allstars, God Lives Underwater, Beck, Filter, Adema, Jane's Addiction, Pantera, Pink Floyd, Marilyn Manson, Outkast, Daft Punk, Death in Vegas, Groove Armada, Korn, Underworld, Beastie Boys, Likin Park, Chevelle, Sasha, Keoki, X-Dream, Aqualite, System 7, Lunar Asylum, Spahn Ranch, Hydra, Metal Spark, Donut Junkie, Psygone, Mino, Hanzel und Gretyl
Fight Club, In the Mouth of Madness, Stigmata, Stir of Echoes, Strange Days, Memento, The Serpent and the Rainbow, Seven, True Romance, Shrek, Monsters Inc., Blade, Blade 2, Kingpin, The Fifth Element, The Butterfly Effect, Zoolander, Vanilla Sky, U-Turn, Natural Born Killers, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill 1 & 2, Resident Evil, Hellboy, Hideaway, House of 1000 Corpses, Go, Demon Knight, The Cell, Matrix Trilogy, Office Space, Old School, High Fidelity, Basic Instinct
"Remember that one day when you weren't on drugs?"
"It aint a party until someone or something is injured or dead."
"Reality sucks. You should live in my world."
Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy
-If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity happen.
-Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
-Dyslexics of the world, untie.
-If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.
-Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
-The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
-Home is where the house is.
-The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
-Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
-If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
-I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
-I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.
-When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
-If God dropped acid, would he see people?
-If you choke a smurf, what color does he turn?
-Death is hereditary.
-Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
-Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!
-Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two seperate words-"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
-A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
-Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
-If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
-Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
-You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
-If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
-I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment" even if he does, becasue it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a "speech improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement." I think this makes him feel better.
-Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait, I guess that's like a regular window.
-I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
-If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
more to come
What do you want most for X-Mas? Hmmm..... - (50 Votes)
all of the above - 43 (86%)
pure sex - 5 (10%)
rough sex - 2 (4%)
hard sex - 0 (0%)
deep sex - 0 (0%)
I was put on this planet to.... - (50 Votes)
corrupt - 25 (50%)
do a little bit of each - 20 (40%)
destroy - 4 (8%)
inspire - 1 (2%)
create - 0 (0%)