Age: 42

Sex: Female

Sexuality: Straight

Relationship: Dating

Occupation: numb

Location: HamburgGermany

WAS AND WILL MAKE ME ILL, I TAKE A GRAMME AND ONLY AM.

Music: Nine Inch Nails, TOOL, Marilyn Manson, A Perfect Circle, Fear Factory, Deftones, Skinlab, Rammstein, Suicide Commando, Prick, Earthtone 9, 12 Rounds, Ohgr, Radiohead, Coldplay, Dredg...too many to list


Parabola
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Alive, I
In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.

Eraser
need you
dream you
find you
taste you
fuck you
use you
scar you
break you

lose me
hate me
smash me
erase me
kill me
kill me
kill me
kill me

Reptile
she spreads herself wide open to let the insects in
she leaves a trail of honey to show me where she's been
she has the blood of reptile just underneath her skin
seeds from a thousand others drip down from within

oh my beautiful liar
oh my precious whore
my disease my infection
I am so impure

give it

devils speak of the way in which she'll manifest
angels bleed from the tainted touch of my caress
need to contaminate to alleviate this loneliness
I now know the depths I reach are limitless

oh my beautiful liar
oh my precious whore
my disease my infection
I am so impure

Gave Up
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most
forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same
open my eyes wake up in flames
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me see the light
smashed up my sanity
smashed up my integrity
smashed up what I believed in
smashed up what's left of me
smashed up my everything
smashed up all that was true
gonna smash myself to pieces
I don't know what else to do
covered in hope and vaseline
still cannot fix this broken machine
watching the hole it used to be mine
just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
of the trust I will betray
give it to me I throw it away
after everything I've done I hate myself for what I've become
I tried
I gave up
throw it away

Comawhite
Something is cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
[coma:]
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
[coma:]
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb

The canyon behind her
Does anybody feel this way
Does anybody feel like I do

I built a wall
It stretched one thousand miles
Set it off
(Massacre)
It's holding up the roof
Breast feed your heart
Set it off

I saw a distant port
With no water to support
Burning the bridge between

Does anybody feel this way
Does anybody feel like I do

Never content nor satisfied
Tensions of self
The massacre changed history
Borderline paranoia
Yelling at their own rights
Set it off

Does anybody feel this way
Does anybody feel like I do
Though half of me is gone
The lonesome heart is there

I cannot find the other half
I cannot find the other half

Likes: blades, food, weed, shrooms, music, trent reznor, sleeping, solitude, pain, nature, animals, comics (lenore!), travelling, dreaming, going out, dance, being in love, ability to trust.
dislikes: me, sports, being dominated, most of the other people, waiting, boredom.

Borderline Personality Disorder:
Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.