LotusBlade
About
Age: 38
Sex: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Relationship: Sleeping Around
Occupation: Phone Tech. / Bouncer
Location: Littleton, CO. USA
Friends
2
Crushes
3
My Biography
{ Well...I might be crazy...but don't worry...it doesn't SEEM to be contagious....}
Hmmm...it has been ages since I have updated this....apparently Oct 17th 2003 was the last update...hmm...seems I was in a tight spot. Heh, well a lot of time has passed since then and I think it is safe to say...I grew up a lot. But don't tell anyone...I don't want it getting out that I am acting like an adult...would ruin my reputation as a smartass punk. Heh...ok...so I jest...I don't ACT like an adult...I just have been hurt enough now to not trust everyone anymore...wierd that....I never would have thought I would let myself get to this point. Meh *shrugs* oh well...a lesson learned on the accountability of others I suppose.
Anyways...currently I work as a barback at a club while diverting myself with games occasionally...or perhaps substances that alter my perception of the world around us. Those are fun. Though...they just don't do anything for me without other ppl around. Hmm...yeah...well I am bored...so...if you want to know me at all...talk to me...I tend to head up all of the departments involving that fellow there. *points to himself* Oh...except for the complaint department...lately I have been having ppl refer to my boot for that. It was fun...

Life is an endless stream of pain...should I wallow in it and drown...or keep trying to swim? hmm...

Random thoughts intruding upon my brain -
It is 7:58 am on Oct. 17th...a mere five days since my 22nd birthday...I despise myself today...I know not the reason...though I have a few good guesses...
Why is it that my reasons always seem to sound like excuses? Excuses are just a way out...so how come sometimes they make me go further? How can that be? I guess no one needs to know my reasons...all anyone needs to know is that I am! Accept it or fuck off. The dissapation is about complete...My weave unfolds. Why do I always feel the need to help hold other people's burdens when I see my own existence unraveling before my very eyes? I must be stupid. I can see it now...I have caused my own demise...
Well, looking back at things I suppose my end would really be no major loss. Perhaps a few tears would be shed. Perhaps a few might mourn. Sadly the real loss has already occured. I may as well be dead already. I failed at my mission...I made no difference...

World's End 1/18/03

The world has ended with me still inside.
To where can I now look for help?
Now that no one is there...
How could I have been so blind?
Why the hell was I so dumb?
How is it that everyone else saw and did
what apparently I, alone, could not?
So this is what it means to be left behind...
I...am...left behind...
~me

The Battle Rages 1/13/03

My world consists of my small void.
What's without is only pain.
What's without is only savage.
What's without is only destruction.
Deep into my soul I plunge in search.
In search of an answer...
An answer for what I must do.
What is it that I must do to end the chaos?
What is it that I must do to end the pain?
Almost as if in answer, my void is intruded.
It seems...that the battle is upon me...
The time for contemplation is over...
Chaos has come.
~Me
Friends

Crushes
Lords of Acid - Pretty In Kink